Choose Today

As I listened to a short sermon in church today, I was so intrigued by an idea that it sparked that I began writing a blog as soon as the meeting ended. And then my phone deleted it. But it's a really important idea that I think I really need to articulate, so I'm going to try to recreate at least the sense of it.

The speaker was comparing common quotations from popular culture (including "All You Need Is Love," which I think is arguably true, at least mitigatedly) to their counterparts in scripture. I was struck by an impression that I've had before.

So that I don't misrepresent what the speaker was saying, I must admit that this speaker argued explicitly that real happiness isn't possible outside of Latter-Day Saint orthodoxy. I disagree, and this post is basically going to articulate the differences I observe between those who are inside the church and on the "covenant path" and those who left it, or never enter.

A dear friend and employer said recently that some of her high school friends had chosen other paths, and explained that these people who leave will often find happiness, but that this happiness will always have an end. I am not a prophet, and cannot make that kind of future assertion. But I can tell you what I have seen in my life, and in the lives of people that I love and try to remain close to.

Joseph Smith asserts in the Articles of Faith that as Latter-day Saints, we protect the right of any person to follow her or his conscience, and I would further assert that happiness is not possible if you are fighting your conscience, even if you stay on the Covenant Path. Mental health and happiness is only possible by bringing actions into harmony with beliefs, and for some, that means leaving the traditions that they do not, and may never have fully believed. We fear this kind of journey because it moves through dark and dangerous waters, but I think there is also cause for great faith. I honestly believe that being genuine is more important than being orthodox, and will bring greater eternal rewards.

Additionally, there are real, deep, and fulfilling happinesses to be found in the world. Jesus gives freely especially to those who look outside themselves. Working for worthy causes, connecting emotionally and socially, forming partnerships and families, bearing or raising children, and personal growth (in knowledge, skills, character, or wisdom) are all things which bring great rewards, some of which cannot be revoked in death even without the authority to bind them in heaven. Friendships are not formalized in any ordinance, but they are real things that will last as long as your memory does.

So what is the difference? If all of these wonderful and fulfilling joys are available to anyone who will move herself to gain them, what does the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints have to offer? Why do we stay on the Covenant Path? Are we accepting misery now for rewards that can only be described in materialistic metaphors? (mansions, wealth, inheritance, etc.?)

I think every person chooses. Some people choose more than once, or change their minds. Some people procrastinate choosing because they are enticed by pleasures that they are not ready to surrender. This is itself a kind of choice.

I do not know why you will choose what you choose. I trust you to make your own decision. But I know a few reasons to take this choice seriously, and to make this choice soon.

I do not know how or why (We call it The Gift of the Holy Ghost, and I don't really understand it very well, even though I feel it.) but being a baptized and active member of the church brings more constant presence of inspiration. We feel the communication and connection with God. Our sensitivity to spiritual matters is more immediate. Although I have never left the church, and have been told by some that it brings a great relief, I'm a sinner, and have found myself unworthy of the constant presence of the Holy Ghost for longish periods of time. I missed it desperately.

I can understand that that kind of constant presence might be oppressive and uncomfortable. As I said, I have heard and I understand that escaping it can bring relief, possibly for the same reasons you feel relief when an arrest warrant for you is indefinitely suspended. It still exists, but you do not face immediate imprisonment. You are free to continue your life as if nothing had happened.

Some people cling to the church for a sense of self-righteousness. They might even term it "confidence before God" although those two things are different. If you escape the spiritual trap of comparing yourself to others, and if you believe in Heavenly Father, there is a peace and confidence that comes from knowing how you stand before Him. Even when I was facing the consequences of sin, I was at peace because I knew that I was figuratively naked before God, and He recognized me as His child. Armed with the knowledge of how God felt about me, about the price that Jesus paid for the repentance and grace I earnestly sought, shame could not hurt me. The opinions of others were insignificant, because I knew that I had done what was right, according to my own conscience, and according to the will of the Lord as He expressed it to me.

Our current prophet, Russell M. Nelson, has promised us joy if we remain true to our covenants and our faith and beliefs - he promised joy that surpasses the happiness available otherwise. He promised that underneath and threaded through all the pains and sorrows of this life, we could have an abiding joy. I have mental illness, which means that my brain is wired so that it sometimes can only register pain. That is sometimes literally all that my mind is able to feel, just emotional pain, whether from fear or sadness or despair or exhaustion. But my physical brain is not the only part of me that can feel things, and I think I can seek for something underneath, something finer than happiness in my brain, even as I work for that, too.

But there is something else. There is another reason that I stay here, even when I cannot feel the rewards of it. I love Jesus Christ. I love him. I work for him as best I can, which isn't always my best. I don't know much about love, but I am learning, and I am learning that when you love someone, sometimes whatever poor time, energy, or gift you can give them turns to gold when they touch it. I give first, because I love. And Jesus pours blessings back in a great drowning deluge. And so I stay.