Nancy's Musings

I've been building up one doozy of a case of cabin fever for the last week and a half. I can't breathe. My little sister decided this was a great time to pick a fight. She insisted that she couldn't wait for me to watch the last hour of Daniel Deronda; she absolutely had to watch another episode of Eureka RIGHT THEN. Our house simply does not have the bandwidth to support two simultaneous streamings, so we tiffed - rather loudly. In honor of the frustration of trying to get a bipolar teen to be patient or empathetic, this blog is about Eureka. Eureka is set at the present time, and I believe somewhere in Northern California. The story is basically about a marginally street-smart U.S. Marshall who stumbles upon a secret little town populated by the leading technological geniuses. The town is funded by the Department of Defense, and the local company, Global Dynamics, has an entire top-secret section (Section 5) devoted to weapons and defense development. The humor of the sho...

Joss Whedon's Firefly is an interesting balance between Star Wars and Star Trek. Like Star Trek, it is set futuristically and is based entirely on science, but like the Millenium Falcon, Serenity is more like your uncle's chevy than a hospital in space. Only the Alliance (the "North") have crisp, white cruisers. Really, Firefly is a post-Civil War era Western set in space. The captain and central, charismatic figure was a leader for the hypothetical "South," but was betrayed by his own people at the battle of Serenity Valley, where he was forced to surrender. After the war, he and his second in command started smuggling, and taking on passengers to look more legitimate. Once a rebel. . . In Whedon's imagination, like Roddenberry's, humans have expanded to fill the galaxy, but unlike Roddenberry's United Federation of Planets, they have found they are alone. Humans terraformed worlds to the barest minimums and then dumped settlers on them. The c...

In my experience, conventional (less artsy) movies require either a kiss, or an explosion to be complete. For my approval, explosions need only be large, colorful, and contain interesting debris, or an amusing camera angle. If this is the case, I am very likely to be a wholehearted fan of the entire movie. My fanaticism for Independence Day and The Rundown are both based on the explosions they contain. I am also particularly fond of the explosions in Live Free or Die Hard . I like it more when the explosions are disproportionately large (which they almost always are). Kisses are less amusing, but still require much skill. Anyone who has been the reluctant audience for PDA will understand that not every kiss is worth watching. What makes a kiss unwelcome for the audience? I don't know. I'm just one person. I know that I am most irritated when a kiss is either too cold, or too passionate for the character or relationship (or situation) (I'm a big fan of the appropriate, and...

The obvious rival for Star Wars is Star Trek. Where Star Wars has elements of adventure, carelessness about technical details, and a basic good vs. evil premise, Star Trek often pulls from an opposite pole. Star Wars has a kind of retro, nostalgic feeling where Star Trek often makes one uncomfortable with its futurism. We can all imagine driving our uncle's 50s chevy in space, but who imagines the sleek and silent running of ships in Gene Roddenberry's world? My father says that he likes Star Trek specifically because it does take place in our own universe and reveals an optimism about the potential of the human race. Rather than evolving a set of charismatic characters and setting them inside a war, Gene Roddenberry instead imagined a situation of exploration. He saw the universe vast, and filled with unbounded curiosity and dedication to adaptation. With technology instead of magic, the crews of the galaxy class starships Enterprise, NCC1701 series, embark into parts unknown....

I am a long-time fan of all things science-fiction. When my students ask me if I've seen a movie, unless I have, my response is usually, "does it have magic or a space battle?" and then they struggle to find some way to catch my interest. Unless it really does have magic or a space battle, it rarely works. I can pretty well promise never to watch Forest Gump . As a brief sidenote, I have deep and varied interests outside of science fiction, but because they rarely intersect with anyone else's or my own, I don't mention them as often. Back to the point. Most people encounter science fiction through the cultural phenomenon of Star Wars. Many people stop there. I do not consider fans of Star Wars to be nearly as nerdy as they think they are, or as the rest of the world seems to think they are. Star Wars is much too popular generally to be strictly in the same culture. Science Fiction fans are accustomed to jokes about programming languages, comparing seven different ...

When I was an undergraduate my good friend Jennifer set me up on a blind date. It was very kind, and I was flattered by the guy she chose for me. He was considerate, handsome, talented, and intelligent, and he had a really fun evening planned. I was not comfortable. He was among his friends, but I was alone among strangers. The social situation sent me into some kind of detachment mode. I couldn't smile, or express anything pleasant. It was as if my whole personality had been erased by some massive anxiety overload. Even at the best of times my personality is confusing, and even offensive to the casual observer. I suppose I am not for the casual observer. I am like a stinky cheese; only the true connoisseur can enjoy me. However it really is, I massively failed. I knew I had failed. I could read it in every pitying expression, in the things he talked about, and the careful way he moved. I cried all evening after I got home, and even more the next morning. I can remember sitting on ...

My favorite color is green, but at the moment I'm totally bummed. I'm pretty sure it's my own fault (I guess sometimes we can never be absolutely certain), but there isn't much I can do about it now so today's blog is going to be oranging strategies. I hate orange, but it is the direct contrast to blue, which means it's going to symbolically represent cheering up. Orange is a strong, vibrant color. Yellow is laughter and red is power, so orange makes a good "bucking up" color; it means be strong and laugh at yourself. The easiest thing to do to cheer myself up is read a book. It's relaxing and it takes my brain quickly away from my own mental arguments. Writing has the same effect, most of the time. As an activity, it requires that the brain function on several different levels. The most tempting approach to self-cheering up is comfort food. I find that a big, juicy piece of fruit is always comforting. Also, if no fruit is available or affordable, ...

Yesterday I got to hang out with the Sister Missionaries. They came over for dinner too, and we had some good times. I was reminded of my own mission and the way my eyes were constantly gulping down the scenery: snow-covered and wonderfully-lit Christmas streets, the view from a cathedral tower, the shades of green and orange in the forests, ancient stone, or fresh graffiti. I remember my dying testimony given in German as some poor Elder struggled to translate. I had no family there, and no one was listening to me, but I meant what I said anyway. My father had taught me, as a result of his own prestigious background, how to recognize beauty. I know how good food tastes, how to recognize beautiful art and music, and how to know a good book. While I was on my mission I learned how to recognize another kind of beauty: the beauty of personality and the worth of a human soul. All souls are infinitely valuable, and have been bought at asking price, but there are souls among us who are be...

When I was about ten years old I started getting phone calls from a young man. He said three things that I remember. He told me he was going to kill me. He told me that he knew where I live and that he watched me through my window at night. He asked me invasive and explicit questions about my sexual inexperience. The police did their job. When I was in my mid- to late-teens I had a conversation with a homeless man while I was working. I'm not afraid of homeless people. I couldn't understand much of what he said. He was mentally handicapped and probably drunk. He started coming in regularly and speaking at me. I think I understood maybe one word in fifty of everything he said. He talked at me for hours at a time, and sometimes he asked me questions. I just smiled. Maybe I nodded. He started coming in multiple times a day. He memorized my schedule and always came during my shifts. I asked him to let me work. He lost his temper, screamed, shook his fists, mumbled something. I unde...

"Is that what you get for your trouble? You're unlucky, unloved, and unlovable." "I know you'd never give me a second glance." "The Zulus, they had spears and bows and arrows; how you bravely faced each one with your sixteen-pounder gun. . ." "What if I die here?" "Some folks put on armor but the arrows go straight through." ". . .All the departed, dear loved ones of mine." "The man who is in charge of all the money has a large question-mark hanging over him (and his future)." "Something unwanted has entered our existence." "Why did summer go so quickly, was it something that you said?" "It has begun!" "Listening for the sound of guns; listening for the rolling drums, and a man who never comes." "Drag another cliche howling from the vaults." "I have squandered my resistance for a pocket full of mumbles; such are promises." "We'll hold each-o...

There is a giant hole in one of my top, right teeth. I can feel it with my tongue. I have an appointment for next week to have it filled or filed off or whatever, but in the meantime I'm afraid to eat. I dreamed last night in feverish anxiety that the hole got bigger, that the whole tooth fell away in pieces, that I could see it in the mirror and it looked like some Sarlacc nesting in my gums. I'm frightened (not of Sarlacci, naturally, because they're fictional. I'm afraid for my teeth, I'm afraid for how much it's going to cost to get it fixed, and I'm afraid that I will never be okay again). I don't usually look to the scriptures for comfort because I haven't always found it there, and when I feel anxious the last thing I need is more anxiety from God (not that He gives anxiety, just that sometimes his love doesn't get through to me a fast as his disapproval does), but yesterday I did. I was flipping open the scriptures for my daily study from...