In Defense of the Fair-Weather Friend

It's my instinct to be deeply hurt and totally dismissive of what used to be called "fair-weather" friends. By that, I mean friends that hang around as long as you're fun and independent, but who disappear or back out when it gets difficult. Look, I can't even describe them without getting all judgy.

How is being a Fair Weather Friend different than distancing yourself from toxic people? I know a lot of people who don't know the difference at all - who think they just want to surround themselves with positive people, when what they're doing is moving on as soon as (or when) the friendship asks for more than you're used to, or more than you're comfortable with. How often do depression sufferers hear that they're just too depressing to be around?

I think every person has the right to choose who they spend time with, or give friendship to. For any reason at all. Nobody has to justify their decisions to anybody else.

In a flash of gratifying irony, I'm going to justify my decision not to excise fair weather friends from my life.

People are important. I don't want to be "that" kind of friend myself: I want to be the kind of friend who makes room in her life for many different kinds of people (not ALL kinds - I do have my limits). It's possible to give priority seating to people who've been around through thin without cutting out everybody who's only there through thick. Maybe somebody's failure to be in your thin is their thin? I wouldn't want to let them down.

So how do I protect myself from being taken advantage of?

I don't. Theoretically, when all I'm worried about is how to protect myself, when I just want to be safe I don't experience things like roller-coasters, airplanes, or really, really fast cars. When I have courage, mostly I don't crash. Mostly, I learn how fast the car goes, how high the coaster goes, or the limits of a friendship. I guess I'm a bit of a social thrill-seeker. Doesn't mean everything I drive or ride has to be the tallest or fastest.

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