Trust Me and the 3 Body Snatchers

I write this post today partly out of anger, and partly out of humility. I've done this, and recently, too. And now I understand why it was so wrong.

I say that we are the experts at our own lives. It's a truth I sometimes do not enough embrace.

1) There are those among us, the body snatchers, who think that if given the chance, they could live everybody's life better than everybody is doing already. They are the experts at everything mundane. They give unasked-for advice on everything from cooking chicken to raising children. (I'm hoping this is the worst I get, but I suspect not.)

If you're lucky, your body snatchers will annoy you with advice and leave it there. Those with social skills will learn to ask before giving advice or opinions. (I'm hoping this is what I become - also suspect not).

2) Worse than advice-giving body snatchers are the benevolent salesmen body snatchers who think you should take their advice, but have evil marketing skills that they aim right at your precariously balanced existence and pull the trigger. The pressure they put on you to conform to their idea of "right" can be overwhelming, and painful, and giving in always costs more than it's worth.
I have heard these people called "fixers." They think it's about the nail. Only, the nail is the only thing holding you together right now.

They lack subtlety and can be resisted, but the process is painful and awkward. They think you're stupid for resisting (or imply that they do, as a manipulative tactic), and that's a battle you can't win.

3) The WORST kind of body snatchers, though, are the visionaries. They live under constant delusion, convinced that they are the only whole ones in a world full of little broken puppets. The danger of living with a visionary is that their existence is co-dependent. They NEED you to be broken so they can "fix" you, and if you are at all suggestible, you will start believing their delusions. You will start thinking you are broken in ways that you really are not. They will project their own weaknesses onto you, and begin the arduous and futile repair process - like they get a flat tire, and as consequence go around replacing that tire on every vehicle parked in the neighborhood.

I believe in God, which (in my system) also means I believe in prophets, so where do you draw the line between someone sharing the word of God (who actually knows how to best run your life), and someone thinking they can run your life better than you can? It's often a very blurry line: even visionary body snatchers are convinced of their own benevolence.

I know of two (sometimes imperfect) keys for telling the difference: Agency, and Authority.

1) Anyone who seeks to reduce my agency, or even appears to be reducing my personal agency is immediately rejected as a source of advice. Manipulation, guilt, despair, and fear come from them.

2) Those with authority teach and invite. They distinguish between giving and selling. They also have a clear source of authority that has been given to them, not seized from the environment or proximity.

I am surrounded by body snatchers. I live and work with people who often try to tell me that I am living my life wrong. They benevolently offer advice and criticism on my daily and life decisions, and I don't know how to get them to stop. We want to be trusted to make decisions and accept the consequences. We want to have the strength to completely ignore everything everybody says, and do what we know is right - or at least right for us, because Species.

I'm a warthog. God trusts me to live my warthog life - He gave it to me. He gave me a body, and trusts me to care for it, and talents, and resources, and stewardships. He gave me my measure of intelligence, which, though not spectacular by anyone's estimation, is certainly enough to be getting on with. So let me get on.