Snap Judgments: 10 keys to warthog spotting
So, my warthog flag is holding steady. I mean, that particular hill hasn't been under much enemy fire lately, but I'm still proud.
A friend pointed out to me last night while I was being horrible that I need to articulate my deal-breakers. I'm not certain she's right, or that she quite understands what I mean. When I say I'm looking for another warthog, I'm talking about affect, about snap judgments and intuition - someone who seems to be like me. I can weed out the abusive jerks later, if it comes up. It's not an issue when your level of commitment is less than two hours. So these are all immediate and obvious things, the opposite of which will simply warrant refusing a date, unless he plays a *Wild Card
1) He's a baptized and active member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints spiritually, if not culturally. Bare minimum and total deal-breaker.
2) Speaks English as a first language. And Geek second. He's gotta know what I'm saying. Just sayin'. My everyday communication can't sound like the Swedish Chef.
3) Brains. He can't be afraid of my situation. I'd prefer to date Dr. Smarty McPants, but that's not always possible, so he has to be at least clever and self-aware. And articulate.
4) He's mostly straight, and noticeably male, however that is expressed, whether it's his voice, bearing, facial hair, etc. I will not waste romantic time with someone who makes me feel like a man (waits for me to ask him out, lets me pay, refuses to make decisions, etc.).
5) He doesn't denigrate the less fortunate or abuse his class/race/gender privilege. NO TROLLS. I will never accept a date with someone I fear.
6) He has a skill, vocation, career, or hobby that he makes time for, and doesn't mind talking about. Extra points if it's lucrative or successful.
7) He has a sense of play in his appearance or affect: like flouting a gender convention, telling puns, or wearing a geek flag (ie. celery, legos, or franchise merchandise).
8) He has energy of some kind. Or vitality. He doesn't obsess over his body or his hair, but he doesn't mind moving, and he'd walk with me if I needed fresh air or sunlight.
9) He doesn't waste my time with small talk, because he's genuinely interested in interesting things. Like me.
10) His favorite accessory is a genuine smile. We're young; there's no excuse for unending bitterness.
These are shallow things: surface traits that just make a man compatible for dating. For traits that would make us compatible as friends, or compatible for a lifetime, you'll have to wait for entirely different kinds of posts.
*Wild Cards are some kind of unforeseen but extremely positive experience that trumps a minor hitch in one or more of the above areas.
A friend pointed out to me last night while I was being horrible that I need to articulate my deal-breakers. I'm not certain she's right, or that she quite understands what I mean. When I say I'm looking for another warthog, I'm talking about affect, about snap judgments and intuition - someone who seems to be like me. I can weed out the abusive jerks later, if it comes up. It's not an issue when your level of commitment is less than two hours. So these are all immediate and obvious things, the opposite of which will simply warrant refusing a date, unless he plays a *Wild Card
1) He's a baptized and active member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints spiritually, if not culturally. Bare minimum and total deal-breaker.
2) Speaks English as a first language. And Geek second. He's gotta know what I'm saying. Just sayin'. My everyday communication can't sound like the Swedish Chef.
3) Brains. He can't be afraid of my situation. I'd prefer to date Dr. Smarty McPants, but that's not always possible, so he has to be at least clever and self-aware. And articulate.
4) He's mostly straight, and noticeably male, however that is expressed, whether it's his voice, bearing, facial hair, etc. I will not waste romantic time with someone who makes me feel like a man (waits for me to ask him out, lets me pay, refuses to make decisions, etc.).
5) He doesn't denigrate the less fortunate or abuse his class/race/gender privilege. NO TROLLS. I will never accept a date with someone I fear.
6) He has a skill, vocation, career, or hobby that he makes time for, and doesn't mind talking about. Extra points if it's lucrative or successful.
7) He has a sense of play in his appearance or affect: like flouting a gender convention, telling puns, or wearing a geek flag (ie. celery, legos, or franchise merchandise).
8) He has energy of some kind. Or vitality. He doesn't obsess over his body or his hair, but he doesn't mind moving, and he'd walk with me if I needed fresh air or sunlight.
9) He doesn't waste my time with small talk, because he's genuinely interested in interesting things. Like me.
10) His favorite accessory is a genuine smile. We're young; there's no excuse for unending bitterness.
These are shallow things: surface traits that just make a man compatible for dating. For traits that would make us compatible as friends, or compatible for a lifetime, you'll have to wait for entirely different kinds of posts.
*Wild Cards are some kind of unforeseen but extremely positive experience that trumps a minor hitch in one or more of the above areas.
Imma steal your list, sister.
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