The Squishy Matrix

People are connected. The decisions we make, good, bad, and everywhere in-between, affect everybody connected to us, and even some people a world away. They simply do. It is a fact. Back in the days of the enlightenment, this widely accepted fact gave rise to the most peculiar set of social conventions devised, especially for the aristocratic French, even down to acceptable colors for certain kinds of parties (depending often on what the queen wore). Now, though, we tell ourselves and each-other things like, "it's none of your business." "it's a victimless crime," "don't be nosy" and "what's it to you?" Now, we assume that just because we can make decisions for ourselves, that nobody else has any reason to be bothered by or interested in those decisions.

If you've ever been related or married to a person with a serious addiction, you're aware that this is complete bullshit.

Life is just. . . messy. And that's just LIFE, not even thinking about all the stuff that happened before life that changes influences or effects what is happening to you right now. That's not even counting all the stuff that'll happen afterwards as consequence of these mortal years, as if our pre-earth-life selves and post-earth-life selves are two more people very close to us indeed whose actions we can't control, and yet change us profoundly.

I think every person needs the right, and the permission, to ignore the greater comfort and make decisions for herself. Every person needs to have the swinging room to follow her or his conscience absolutely. And shoulder the consequences. This means making the hard decisions, 100% aware that you'll break your mother's heart. I support making the hard decisions, but I absolutely reject the pretense that it's nobody else's business. Even Marley, Scrooge's business partner, learns that too late. "You were always a shrewd man of business," Scrooge argues, but Marley will not accept such a damning compliment. "Mankind was my business!" he insists. (from memory. Pardon any mis-quotation). If the youtube video weren't colorized (hiss!) I'd post it here.

It bothers me when my mother asks too many questions about my career decisions. It bothers me that my roommate came into my room to shut the window. It makes me itchy when I'm reminded that I don't live alone, and that those other people want the dishes done.

But I also find great comfort in footprints, in traces of other humans in my life. Even when my little brothers break my heart, or when bad drivers threaten my car. When I am a victim, and when I am a volunteer. I love the comforting sounds of creaking floorboards, and running water. I enjoy the day-to-day evidence of meals cooked and eaten, and the chatter of distant conversation. I like near conversation too, as long as it's not smalltalk. And anything on Facebook. Yes. I need people, for everything from reassurance that I'm not alone, to genuine help when I'm stumped, and especially returning the favor, or paying it forward.

So this is my conclusion: We might not want people in it, but our business is their business, and although we don't have to allow it to change a single decision, we should never, ever delude ourselves that what we do isn't about them, on some level. We share lives. We share pain. We share hugs. It's alright.


Bet you thought I was going to post "I Am a Rock" by Simon and Garfunkel.

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