A Real Gentleman is a Feminist

I blogged a while back about why I want to be a lady, and what that means. If you think about it, all good traits are essentially gender-neutral. Confidence, kindness, imagination - they're all things that everybody should want to have. That counts with other good traits assigned to genders as well. What is feminine? Grace? Good - everybody should want to be graceful, well-dressed, hygienic. What about "nurturing?" - if you recall, I left that one off of my "I want to be" list. We're told it's the thing women are naturally that men are not, naturally. We nurture. We care for children.

It's possible, I suppose, that I'm naturally more nurturing than the average male. So what? It's a good thing to be, right? Should men NOT try to be nurturing too? The philosophy derived from essentialism, I think, is that we should embrace who we are naturally, and stop trying to be what we're not. A woman will never lead as well as a man would in her place, and a man will never raise children as well as a woman would. . .

Which man? Which woman? There's a flaw here somewhere. . .

Well, human beings are naturally vindictive bastards, lying frauds, and dirty hypocrites. Human nature is naturally ethnocentric, gluttonous, egocentric, and self-righteous. There isn't one of us who doesn't embrace a giant armful of personal weaknesses, and hope somebody somewhere has the rhetoric to convince us they're strengths.

There's a better way. Rather than roll over and accept laziness, cruelty, malodor, cowardice, and bad sportsmanship, we fight it. We fight our nature every day. We hear the alarm and roll out of bed. Rather than accept inferiority, we strive for improvement. Women have opportunities every day to lead, and we do it WELL. We learn from people who might have come by the talent more naturally (our mothers?), but we learn. Men do the same thing. They learn how to be glorious, nurturing fathers from their own fathers, and from mothers. We become better, more whole people by practice, not by magic (bless you, Terry Pratchett).

So when, yesterday, my roommate posted on Facebook all the things a gentleman does (opens doors?) and asks the general populace if they think that's adorable or archaic, I responded with the latter. Because a gentleman does all the same things a lady does. So I'm going to write a list. I like lists.

1) A gentleman is considerate of the people around him, regardless of his or their gender, orientation, race, religion, or age.

2) A gentleman expresses his opinion, when asked, in a firm but good-natured tone.

3) A gentleman attempts to leave no damage, either in nature, in a nearby psyche, or on your coffee table.

4) A gentleman is selective about what makes him laugh. If pressed, he can intelligently defend his affection for the Three Stooges.

5) A gentleman apologizes, even if he doesn't think he did anything wrong. He is nearly always incorrect anyway.

6) A gentleman does not need to control people because he is self-sufficient. He would, however, be very grateful for anything you are willing to offer. Like a nice cup of tea.

7) A gentleman keeps his personal extremities to himself unless explicitly invited, or he asks and is accepted. He respects privacy and personal boundaries.

8) A gentleman knows that his personality is more important than his body. Any of it. Therefore, he does not need a large, red truck unless he actually hauls large things to distances greater than the length of the vehicle.

9) A gentleman is casually generous with his time and money.

10) A gentleman does not need to be the center of attention, but if anybody's looking, his tie is straight.

11) A gentleman will never allow a lady to beat him at MarioKart. She wins fair and square.

12) A gentleman is interested in the universe, the world, the country, and his date, but never in that order.

13) A gentleman works hard, and is grateful for what he has.

14) A gentleman makes great sacrifices for the things, people, or causes he believes to be of greatest value.

15) A gentleman never expects a human being to respond to an electronic noise of any kind. Or a snap of the fingers, whistle, or other non-verbal cue reserved for domesticated animals.

16) A gentleman does not tolerate any kind of disrespect, even from his companion or significant other, and expresses that intolerance calmly and clearly.

17) A gentleman is not afraid to catch "cooties," smile at a fat woman, or converse with the homeless.

18) A gentleman always wears a shirt. Always. It's usually purple.

19) A gentleman pays his debts, keeps his promises, obeys rules, and tells the truth.

20) A gentleman understands his duties and limits. He knows that a lady is never "safe," and that he can't protect her. His job is to believe what she says, do what he must, and be willing to help fix anything that gets broken in the meantime.

Did I miss any?